Who is Henry Krinkle?

Henry Krinkle officially refudiates Sarah Palin

2010-07-19T19:27:00.001-07:00

Okay, first off here, the only reason that Sarah Palin even exists in the atmosphere of national politics and societal consciousness is that major news outlets as well as the "lamestream media" and the blogosphere continually write about her; be it good or bad. Henry is the first to admit that he writes about her far too much. But I can't help myself. It's like when I jump back and forth between referring to myself in the first and third person. It's just really fun.

Anyway, as it turns out, Sarah Palin is, like, the new Shakespeare or something (according to Caribou Barbi herself). The world's preeminent "Mama Grizzly," professional Facebook blogger, sometimes Governor of Alaska, hockey mom and mavricky maverick took to her Twitter account to not only invent a new word but also to spread her hatred of Islam. Nothing new there.

From her Twitter account she asked the "peaceful Muslims" to "pls refudiate" plans made by The Cordoba Initiative, a Muslim organization, to build a mosque just mere blocks away from ground zero. In another tweet, after she deleted the first one wherein she proved that she's a bumbling moron, she asked "peaceful New Yorkers" (you know, because most New Yorkers are savage fucking animals) to refute the plans. In a follow-up tweet, she asked "peace-seeking Muslims" to understand that the construction of a mosque in that area "stabs hearts." Yes, this is the level of intellect that we're dealing with here.

Let's, just for a moment, dismiss the slaughtering of the English language and her outright bigotry. Let's talk about how people find this type of fucking idiocy to be endearing. You know, the old election adage: I want a president/governor/whatever that I can have a beer with. People want someone in power to make them feel like they are equal to one another. Henry, on the other hand, wants an official that makes him feel inferior. I want the smartest motherfucker in the room calling the shots. Why don't the majority of Americans feel the same way? Why is it that in a country like the United States, we elect complete fucking imbeciles like George W. Bush to protect our constitution? Why the fuck is Sarah Palin a viable candidate in 2012? Are Americans so fucking arrogant that it's taboo in our political spectrum to elect smart individuals to run the fucking show? Granted, we did a pretty good job in electing Barack Obama but the excitement of that has basically run its fucking course.

Obviously, liberal elites aside, the majority of America (mostly middle America and Orange County) have already given up on our new intelligent president if they had even given him a chance in the first place. Americans just continue to smear shit on this great country by virtue of the fact that, for the most part, we're a bunch of goddamn idiots. From the Tea Party to pretend news outlets like Fox News, the dumbing down of America is happening right before us and people like Sarah Palin are at the helm. Why? Because we let it happen.

With that said, I, Henry Krinkle, officially refudiate Sarah Palin. If only I could find a listing for refudiate on dictionary.com. Having a hard time finding wee-wee'd up and misunderestimate as well.

It's retard time with your host, Henry Krinkle

2010-07-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

And now an update on the flaming hypocrisy/incompetence/ballsiness-without-a-sense-of-irony of the right-wing retards that manipulate the ignorant in our country.

Karl Rove (an entertainer of the clown sort from Fox News) and human brown eye, Ed Gillespie have decided that it would be a good idea to attack Sen. Harry Reid due to his apparent lack of funding to the state of Nevada from the Recovery Act. Yes, they are attacking him for not allocating enough money from a bill that they, as well as every other republican asshole in this country, absolutely did not support. I know, I know. The rational that these dipshits exude is such comedy that you have to wonder if they're actually serious. But it's true, they are indeed serious.

The thing that cracks Henry up so much is that Gillespie and his toe sucking partner, Karl Rove along with all the other obstructionists keep complaining that Barack Obama promised that the unemployment rate would not get higher than 8%. Now that we're at about 9.5-10% unemployed, these fucktards won't stop crying about it. Okay, so Obama promised something that he couldn't deliver. Here's my thing: Karl Rove and Ed Gillespie were integral components to the George W. Buttfuck administration, right? They want to call the president out on the fact that unemployment has largely gotten out of this administration's control insofar as the Recovery Act and what it promised. But he promised. He promised. Cry me a fucking river. Karl Rove, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, George Tenet, et al. promised us that if we illegally invade and occupy Iraq, they'll prove that Saddam Hussein was in possession of weapons of mass destruction. They have the fucking balls to complain about Obama letting the unemployment rate slip 1-2% more than what he said yet they were the perpetrators of the biggest fucking scam in recent history and they get a free goddamn pass? They were the ones that fucking led to the disaster that we currently finds ourselves in. Sorry for my complete digression here.

These fucking cunts want to lambaste Harry Reid for his handling of stimulus funds to the state of Nevada even though they didn't want the goddamn Recovery Act. That's good stuff. How is it that an extension of unemployment benefits which was endorsed by Harry Reid was blocked and eventually killed by Senate Republicans get under Rove and Gillespie's radar? Oh, right. They're too fucking stupid to see that Reid is, in fact, trying to help his constituents and it's complete morons like themselves that keep preventing it It's also morons such as themselves that do not see the irony in calling out a president that promised something and didn't deliver. I'm still waiting for my Iraqi WMDs. Where the fuck are they?

View the Thinkprogress article here

Enough is enough, goddamnit!

2010-07-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

So, is anyone else sick and fucking tired of hearing about this Lebron James guy? You know Henry is. On the same hand, it's a good thing that he did the whole free agency thing. I mean, if he didn't, 'Merica as a whole might not have forgotten about the fact the earth is shitting oil into the ocean and very well may be the one thing that ends humanity. Thank the fake Christ for King James, right?

I guess, not being a fan of sports in general, I don't understand the fucking hoopla about this goddamn Lebron thing. Okay, so we have this kid that got signed into the pros when he was like seven and a half years old or something. He's been tapped as the greatest ball player to ever grace the game (presupposing that he surpasses Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant). He plays for his home team, the Cleveland Cavaliers or whatever. Then, after making a fuck ton of money while not winning a championship (although, he did earn a couple of MVP awards or some shit), he decides he's gonna play for another team. Big goddamn deal. Athletes do this shit all the fucking time.

Did you guys hear about the majority owner of the Cleveland team writing an open letter to Cavs fans? It's too bad SNL is on hiatus right now. That shit was written for your favorite Saturday night television program.

Here is an excerpt:

Dear Cleveland,

All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight; As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us [...]

Boo fucking hoo, guy. Seriously. Could you be any more unprofessional?

I mean, people actually think that because this James character left Cleveland for Miami, the state of Ohio is basically gonna fucking die. It's just going to keel over and die. Really, people actually think this.

Josh Green of the Atlantic had this to say about it:

Back to Ohio. The unemployment rate is well above the national average, nearly 11 percent. The state's manufacturing base has been decimated, and those jobs aren't coming back. And now, suddenly, the biggest star in the state -- an economic engine in his own right, and a guy who probably single-handedly made Cleveland a recognizable sports mecca all over the world -- has forsaken its residents. And not just forsaken them, but utterly humiliated them by forsaking them on a globally televised ESPN Special! Would you be angry? I sure would be. And I'd be that much more amenable to the Tea Party message that everything is going to hell.

Now, I'm not gonna deny that Green makes some interesting points. James certainly is an "economic engine" in his own right. Sure. But to imply that the good people of the state of Ohio will not survive because of Lebron James' decision to play for another club is fucking preposterous. Was this a total bullshit way of handling the situation on James' part? Yes. There is no doubt about it.

If you're gonna sit there and tell me that the nice people in the Buckeye State will only survive if one single person, Lebron James, decides to stay and collect something like eleventy billion dollars over the next few years, I would say you're bat shit crazy. Seriously, go to the fucking mental institution or give Henry some of whatever you're smoking.

And to bring the goddamn tea baggers into this? Jesus fucking H. We all know that the country is in the toilet. And it's all that socialist/Marxist/Nazi/Kenyon Barack Obama's fault. It absolutely has nothing to do with George W. Butt Fuck. It's all Obama's fault. And to somehow suggest that the fucking tea baggers are right because James split for South Beach is fucking retarded. RETARDED.

None of this dumb-ass shit matters anyway. With the scorching heat all over the country (who would have thunk that it gets hot in the summer?); our imminent death by crude; earthquakes; hurricanes, etc. we're all fucking dead in five to ten years. It also doesn't matter cause the LA Lakers are headed for a four-peat. Fuck you, Miami.

Imperial Bedrooms: A book review by yours truly

2010-06-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

Imperial Bedrooms, the sixth novel by the enfant terrible of Gen X literature, Bret Easton Ellis, serves as a sequel of sorts to, the now legendary, Less Than Zero. Being a huge fan of Zero, I was extremely excited to find out what our characters (Clay, Julian, Rip, Blair, Trent, et al.) had been up to over the last quarter century. As it turns out, they've been up to a lot... and nothing.

Clay Easton, taking over the duties of narrator from the "friend" who wrote Zero, proves that he's just as unreliable a storyteller as the aforementioned "friend." 25 years on, Clay is now a successful screenwriter who, as in Zero, has returned to Los Angeles from the east coast. This time, however, it's not just a Christmas vacation as it's more of a permanent thing. He's in town to collaborate in the casting of his latest script, The Listeners (see also: The Informers). Once settled into his condo in West Hollywood, it becomes apparent to Clay as well as to the audience that things have changed but have also remained in a state of over-sexed drugged-out entropy.

Rip, now barely recognizable due to years of plastic surgery, is still the same charming drug dealing sociopath that he was in his late teens. Blair is now married to Trent who is now a film producer and studio associate to the company producing The Listeners. And Julian, oh Julian... Not much has changed there other than the fact that he is no longer a smack-head. Yes, Julian is clean and remains in a very fragile and volatile state. However, despite his being sober, Julian is still up to his same old tricks. It seems he's taken advice from those who put him in the predicament he found himself in, in Zero.

As Clay falls deeper and deeper into the underbelly of the upper-crust society of Los Angeles' well-to-do, he finds that his yearning for emotional and physical attachment is as prevalent as it was when he was a college student. In this case though, it's less metaphorical and more literal. He falls for an actress, Rain Turner, who has virtually no chance of locking in a key role in Clay's new film without the help of Clay himself. Is she just another wannabe hungry and willing to do whatever it takes for her to achieve her big break or is there something more sinister at play? Certainly, one may concede that the old "fuck-the-actress-and-promise-her-a-role" tactic may be a little bit trite and obvious but Ellis is playing with something here that goes above and beyond the typical devices that an author may employ in this type of narrative. Obviously, Ellis is far too intelligent to fall into that trap.

The seemingly innocent, if not temporary, affair with the young actress evolves into a multi-layered tapestry that eventually envelops our narrator in a web of deceit, double crosses and manipulation ostensibly manufactured by those closest to him. But is it manufactured by those closest to him? Is anyone close to him? Is he close to himself?

In a Los Angeles where nothing is as it seems, where anything is possible, where anything is obtainable and human emotion serves only as a secondary thought, Ellis shows us a world so bleak and depraved that one can only wonder, how much of this is true and how much of it is fiction? With Imperial Bedrooms, Ellis has found a way to successfully blur the line between youthful disaffection and mature disillusion while maintaining a tangible difference between the two.

Today, we have a guest columnist.

2010-06-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

***Hey there readers. Today we have a guest columnist. So shut the fuck up and read this piece. For safety of the writer, they shall remain anonymous.***

Dear Henry Krinkle Readers,

I am not Henry Krinkle. Henry Krinkle is my friend, and for that reason, you should be jealous. I write you today, because I went to Largo at the Coronet with Henry Krinkle to meet one of the best authors in the world, Bret Easton Ellis. Bret has written many great books: Less Than Zero, The Informers, Glamorama, American Psycho, Lunar Park, and most recently, Imperial Bedrooms. Henry and I sat and listened to different celebrities read from Bret’s books, before the man himself entered. Bret read from his newest novel, and was later interviewed by James Van Der Beek. I don’t hate James VDB, but he really needs to learn how to think for himself. The boy brought in questions from Twitter. James VDB fans should not be writing interview questions for Bret Easton Ellis.

After the reading, there was a book signing where Henry and I stood in line with another Bret Ellis fan and Henry’s girlfriend, (who happened to have a black eye). I’m not implying that Henry gave this black eye to his girlfriend. I know he didn’t do this, because Henry and I were cooking steaks at my house when the black eye incident occurred. What did we learn? If you aren’t hanging out with Henry cooking steaks, anything can happen.

Finally, we got to meet the man. Bret Easton Ellis is a rock star. Chuck Palahniuk comes to mind as the only other writer that has rock star status. So there he was, personable, sharp, well spoken, and unbelievably gracious. Even when I was stumbling to get my words out, he took the time to listen. I didn’t have a question to ask him, I felt it more important to tell him how he inspires. So I thanked him and listened to Henry’s conversation. Henry had a question for Bret, but that’s not for me to share with you. That’s Henry’s memory, and if you want to know what was said, then ask him. I’m only here as a guest.

Sincerely,

……

Get into this!!!

2010-05-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

I know you all have been following Friday Night Lights. How do I know that? Because you would be silly not to and Henry doesn't have silly readers. If you didn't TiVo that shit, you can watch it here.

If you need a little catch-me-up, go to this link. It's a really good piece written by Heather Havrilesky for Salon.com.

Matt Taibbi has left the mothafuckin' buildin'

2010-05-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

It is with great saddness that I report that brother Matt Taibbi is leaving his post as resident gangster-ass blogger on True/Slant. Matt is going on to do some full-time blogging for Rolling Stone, which is a good thing no doubt (even though Rolling Stone sucks insofar as music journalism). Good luck, Mr. Taibbi. Yo, when are you gonna be on Bill Maher again? Them shits is awesome when you report for that program.

Register to VOTE

2010-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Hello, dear readers.

Today is the deadline to register or re-register to vote in California for the June primaries. The envelope MUST be post dated with today's date. So, do that shit. Okay?

To print off the PDA, go here.

See you in June!

Oh, that crazy Lohan girl

2010-05-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hey, readers. Sorry about that last tangent. Some fucking people just hit a fucking nerve and sometimes Henry just can't help himself.

In other news, it turns out that there is this big debacle where Lindsay Lohan apparently missed a court date for that one time that she did drugs and drank too much or something. She missed her court appearance because a bunch of meanies in Cannes, France stole her passport therefore she couldn't get back to the US for her court appearance. I thought, until I read about this, the only person that actually gave a fuck about Lindsay Lohan was Dr. Drew. I guess I was wrong.

As it turns out, she rescheduled her appointment with the LA County Superior Court. Thank god. Now Lindsay can clear up this whole mess and prove that she's an innocent girl trapped in the skin of an eighty year old granny. Have you seen pictures of her lately? Christ all mighty.

Oh... wait... there's already a hiccup. Turns out that a picture has surfaced that implies that Lindsay was doing cocaine in Cannes. But she claims it was a setup. Yeah, as in someone put that rolled up 100 Euro note in your hand while you're sitting next to what appears to be lines of cocaine and it looks like you're just feeling the drip as soon as the photo was snapped. Likely story.

See, readers. This is precisely why America and the rest of the world should stop thinking about, writing about, and giving any kind of shit about this human turd. It makes us stupid just like her. Unless this walking stain proves to be Christ re-incarnated, you won't read another article about Lindsay Lohan on this website ever again. Thing is, Christ never existed so you're in the clear.

Fuck You!

2010-05-21T17:29:00.001-07:00

So, is there anyone else that’s tired of the self-amused narcissistic attitude that many have come to possess in the city of angels? Now, before I go on, let me be clear: I know that Los Angeles and the people that inhabit this beautiful city are not known for modesty, courtesy and respect for those around them. Henry is fully aware of this, but what the fuck?

Henry and his posse were in tow for the Massive Attack show that took place at the Wiltern this past Wednesday. Fucking amazing show, to say the least. I can’t wait for the next one.

So Henry pays sixty of his hard earned US dollars to get into the show. That’s a small price to pay for the privilege of this musical experience. What I did not pay sixty of my hard earned US dollars for was to hear some fucking idiot run her fat fucking mouth the whole goddamn time… or to watch the fucking show through the screen of a goddamn camera phone.

The next time I have this experience; there will be an act of violence. Seriously. I will fucking punch someone in the goddamn face.

To the idiot that called me an asshole for telling her to shut the fuck up, you better hope that I never fucking see you again. Only then will we see who the real asshole is. And to the fucking tool that held is camera phone up the entire goddamn show, the next time I run into you I’m going to smash your fucking phone into the goddamn asphalt outside the venue and then I’ll proceed to curb stomp your fucking ass right in front of everyone.

Violence is not the answer, kids. But sometimes it’s your only option.

Henry Fucking Loves Friday Night Lights

2010-05-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone been keeping up with Friday Night Lights this season? Damns that shits is good.

Friday Night Lights - After the Fall (5/14/10) - Video - NBC.com

Douchebag Blotter #12: Rush Limbaugh makes a triumphant comeback

2010-05-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

When I say that I don't mean a comeback from bad ratings or coming back from picking up from his drug dealer (even though he probably just picked up). No, what I mean is that Rush has made his return to the Douchbag Blotter.

Rush Limbaugh, just a couple of weeks ago, said that the oil spill in the Gulf Coast will eventually take care of itself. After all, oil is natural and water is natural. Yes, the reasoning is juvenile at best. But having a juvenile thought process has never stopped, as Ed Shultz would say, the Drugster. Hey, thanks Ed.

Now Limbaugh wants the Sierra Club to pay for the damages caused by the spill. Okay, so let's take a look at the logic here. Limbaugh says that the spill will take care of itself much like the Exxon Valdez oil spill some 25 years ago (in fact, that spill did not take care of itself). So why is he asking one of the largest environmental grassroots organizations in the country to cough up the money that British Petroleum, Haliburton and Transocean should be paying to clean up the spill? Because those big fucking meanies over at the Sierra Club pushed the little helpless oil companies offshore.

It was the Sierra Club that has destroyed the Gulf Coast. But the questions is, since water is natural and oil is natural why would anyone have to pay for the clean up? If the oil isn't gonna kill ocean life, the Gulf Coast economy and potentially beyond, why would the Sierra Club of all organizations have to pay for anything?

Just listen to this fucking buffoon.

All of this with nothing but a GED

2010-05-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

Good evening, people. So did you hear that if you’re the offspring of a terrorist sympathizer that has dropped out of high school to have the bastard child of a Playgirl model, you can sign with a company called Single Source Speakers (SSS) and get paid $15,000.00-$30,000.00 per speaking engagement? Sounds like bullshit, right? Well, it’s not bullshit.

According to the Palin family attorney, Thomas Van Flein, Bristol Palin has signed with the bureau and will sprinkle the world with her vast knowledge on subjects such as: abstinence (something she obviously knows nothing about), anti-choice (apparently it’s hereditary), and fundraising.

This is her profile description on the SSS website:

Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's oldest daughter, took the country by storm practically overnight when she was introduced to Americans during the 2008 presidential campaign. Her teen pregnancy and the birth of her son Tripp, resulted in millions of Americans discussing the issues surrounding teen pregnancy. Bristol has since gone on to become a Teen Ambassador for the Candie's Foundation, and speaks about pregnancy prevention, abstinence, faith and life. She recently appeared on the ABC drama "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and is working on her first book.

That’s right, readers. Bristol Palin took the world by storm. You know, if I didn’t live in the US, I would look at this idiot the same way that I look at her demon mother; like a fucking pawn used by an organization to gain political prowess. Of course, in this case, the eldest Palin female demon spawn’s family is pimping her out much like the republican party did to her mother in 2008. Expectantly, this will lead Bristol down a path of self-loathing, drug addiction and prostitution… or maybe a career in Alaska politics. I heard it doesn’t take much to get a political gig out there.

Sarah Palin: Clairvoyant?

2010-05-14T21:36:00.001-07:00

Evening, dear readers.

Okay, now that we know that Sarah Palin is a complete political hack with sub-par intelligence, an eco-terrorist, and a downright douchebag, she has another title: clairvoyant. Yes, that's right, folks. Sarah Palin has the ability to gain information on people, objects and places in a supernatural way. Who knew?

During an address to the National Rifle Association, she made it loud and clear that the anti-Christ, Barack Obama would, if he could, "gut" the second amendment. Let's not take into consideration that Obama has been completely silent on any anti-gun agenda or that he has in fact signed into law a bill that allows the paranoid delusional to carry guns in national parks. Sarah Palin knows all. Let's just leave it at that. K?

In other idiot news, Palin was recently in Chicago to raise money or some such thing. While in Rosemont, she felt it her duty to lend her two cents on an issue facing the Highland Park High School. The school district has cancelled a trip to Nazi-zona for a girl’s basketball tournament in response to the anti-brown person law that recently passed. Along with her disapproval for the decision made by the school, she chimed in on the school's decision to sponsor a trip to China stating, "You know how they treat girls in China... it makes no sense [...]" I guess Sarah Palin forgot about this whole thing.

I fucking hate you, Sarah Palin.

Lindsay Graham hates the constitution only when it's convenient for him

2010-05-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hello, dear readers. Henry has a joke for you... Lindsay Graham. Get it?

When it comes to an American citizen who partakes in terrorist activities, Lindsay Graham among other conservative blowhards (Joe “Droopy Dog” Lieberman, John “Not Really a Maverick” McCain) have attempted to make the case that these citizens should not be read their Miranda Rights. Yes. They are saying that American citizens should not have protection under the United States constitution. Obviously, that is incredibly unreasonable but then again, they ARE republicans.

Hiii there, boooyssss.

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg of New York City appeared before congress on Wednesday to make his case that people on the “no fly list” should not be able to purchase explosives and firearms. Typically, people on the “no fly list” have been tapped because of questionable activities up to and including suspected terrorism.

As it turns out, Lindsay Graham doesn’t want possible terrorists to be mirandized once arrested and also doesn’t really give a flying fuck if possible terrorists buy guns and explosives to murder Americans. What does this say about Lindsay Graham? Other than he’s a closeted homosexual? What it says is that Lindsay Graham only likes laws protected under the second amendment. Fuck the sixth amendment and the rest of that stupid document.

I love how lawmakers only choose the parts of the constitution they like. It really makes for good leadership. The fact that this clown has the balls to side with Joe Lieberman on changing the sixth amendment of the constitution but defends, in the same context, the rights granted under the second amendment says a lot about how fucking hypocritical he is. Fucking amazing.

Ted Nugent is stupid

2010-05-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Hello there, friends. Who has picked up the new issue of TIME Magazine? Anyone? Anyone? Well, being the news whore that Henry Krinkle is, you bet your pink hairy ass that I did. This new issue is dedicated to the 100 most influential people in America. Somehow, some way, Henry didn’t make the cut… but then again, Rome wasn’t built in a fucking day. But somehow the earth was created in 6? Anyway, I digress.

What’s so special about this issue you ask -- nothing really. Those chumps do it every year. Fucking boooooring. The reason that Henry picked up this issue, while in the checkout line at the pornstar Ralphs in Hollywood, CA, was the fact that the brilliant American scholar, leader of stupid, and general douchefuck Ted Nugent wrote 186 words about how Sarah Palin is influential or something. And here, on this new post by your favorite asshole in charge, Henry will attempt to pick this piece of shit apart. I hope you enjoy.

Sarah Palin

by Ted Nugent

If Sarah Palin played a loud, grinding instrument, she would be in my band.

Okay, right off the bat here, Sarah Palin is not smart enough to know where the continent of Africa is or the fact that Africa is a continent. How in the motherfuck do you think she would know how to read chords?

The independent patriotic spirit, attitude and soul of our forefathers are alive and well in Sarah.

Again dude, if you were to ask Sarah Palin, right now, to name one forefather do you really think she’d get a passing grade? I thought not.

In the way she lives, what she says and how she dedicates herself to make America better in these interesting times, she represents the good, while exposing the bad and ugly.

First of all, “…in what she says,” have you heard this fucking imbecile speak? Ever? This whole “…dedicates herself to make America better in these interesting times, she represents the good, while exposing the ugly” thing. Right. She dedicated herself so much to her governorship in Alaska that she just couldn’t dedicate any more. So what does she do? She embarks on a career in speaking engagements wherein she commands a $100,000.00 fee. Hmmm, she’s really got the priorities of the American people at the forefront of her thoughts. She represents the good. Yeah, and I love taking a 9inch dildo up my ass. Seriously. She IS the bad and the ugly part of this country.

She embraces the critical duty of we the people by participating in this glorious experiment in self-government.

“…the critical duty of we the people…” What the fuck does that mean? Seriously, guy. I have no fucking clue what your ignorant ass is talking about.

The tsunami of support proves that Sarah, 46, represents what many Americans know to be common and sensible.

Okay, I’ll give it to you here. You’re right about the tsunami of support. But “…common and sensible?” The fact that anyone supports this walking fence post is due to the fact that the majority of Americans are fucking idiots. Sorry to say, but it’s true. The fact that she has such a huge support base is due to the fact that people that support her have no fucking idea what is going on.

Her rugged individualism, self-reliance and a herculean work ethic resonate now more than ever in a country spinning away from these basics that made the U.S.A. the last best place.

Again, her “…herculean work ethic…” come on. She did quit her job as the governor of Alaska. She quit. How is that herculean?

We who are driven to be assets to our families, communities and our beloved country connect with the principles that Sarah Palin embodies. We know that bureaucrats and, even more, Fedzilla, are not the solution; they are the problem. I'd be proud to share a moose-barbecue campfire with the Palin family anytime, so long as I can shoot the moose.

I’ve actually lost interest in commenting on the better part of this last part other than the moose-barbeque nonsense. It doesn’t surprise me that this is in here. It’s really nice to see that Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin have something in common… they like to shoot defenseless animals because it makes the both of them feel like they have bigger dicks.

This is just further proof that people are born stupid. Some of us adapt and some of us remain knuckle-dragging neanderthals.

See the article by Ted Nugent here.

How in the motherfuck can Henry see this shit in its entirety??? HELP

2010-05-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!!!

Henry needs some help. Henry has never asked for anything from you. Now he needs something. Do you remember that one time when I lent you a dollar? You remember, right? Okay, here's the sitch - I need to find the Oprah/Rielle Hunter interview in it's entirety. Can you help me? If you do this, I'll forget about that dollar that you owe me.

You're probably wondering why I need this interview. Well, it's super top secret. Henry needs it for research. No, I'm not gunning for Oprah's position or anything and I'm not trying to get up in Rielle Hunter. Although, I heard that when she was in her twenties, she was a coked-out hot piece of ass.

HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!

Freddy's back!!!

2010-05-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

You all might remember, back when Henry wasn't such a fucking slacker, the very first post on this truly amazing blog, I posted the first trailer to the re-imagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Well, here is the second trailer. The film opened yesterday. Should do pretty well even though the reviews are terrible. 15% on rottentomatoes.com? Seriously? Anyway, Henry and his posse are heading out to see this one tomorrow night. Enjoy the trailer.

I'm totally not dead and shit.

2010-05-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

What is up, friends? I know it’s been a while. Henry has gotten himself into a bit of trouble. Not to worry, though. It wasn’t Henry that threatened to kill Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Rielly and that Jonah Goldberg asshole. It wasn’t me, I promise!!!

Anyway, now that that is over with, let’s get into the news shall we?

Goldman Sachs made shitty deals; makes for great comedy

Goldman Sachs really really sucks, right? And members of congress love to use the word “shitty.” Did you guys see that shit? There were mad (as in a lot and as in angry) motherfucking congress people using the word “shitty” the other day. It was like watching an episode of Jersey Shore when those greasy douche bags get into a fight.

Reason # 1,227,591 to never ever go to the state of Arizona: THEY HATE PEOPLE WITH BROWN SKIN.

Of course there is this situation in the Grand Canyon State wherein Jan Brewer signed into law a Senate Bill, SB 1070, that makes it illegal for… um… illegal immigrants to be in Arizona. Golly gee whiz. Thanks for handling that, Arizona. The downside to this ignorant-as-fuck bill is the fact that it allows for people with skin pigment to be harassed and abused by law enforcement officials much like the slaves were once the Emancipation Proclamation was signed by Abraham Lincoln. It’s also a bit similar to a situation where a bunch of Jewish people were thrown into an oven cause some douchy meth head with syphilis couldn’t sell his art. What are the similarities you ask? Slaves and Jews were asked to "SHOW ME YOUR PAPARS." Anyway, not only does this bill promote racism, but these fucktards in the Arizona State Senate included, in the bill, a provision which allows for a legal citizen to file a law suit against the state if that citizen believes the law enforcement is not doing their job as prescribed by SB 1070. Whew. Good thing that’s in there. Not only does Arizona look like a bunch of fucking Nazi assholes, they’re gonna look like a bunch of broke ass Nazi assholes.

Offshore oil rig takes a HUGE dump in the Gulf of Mexico

Brother Barack Obama has agreed to offshore drilling. No, that is not one of Henry’s jokes. Thanks for campaigning on not offshore drilling, dick! Henry is all for job creation, not having to rely on foreign oil from people who fucking hate us… and all of that crap. Whatever. What Henry is not for is several people dying, the subsequent oil spill and the lack of accountability of British Petroleum. See people, this is why we should not drill off of our shores. Or any shores. Ever! Speaking of which, where is Sarah Palin on this? Wasn’t she all big on the “Drill Baby, Drill” nonsense? How does she feel about this? I guess it doesn’t matter. She’s a cunt anyway

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli really hates boobies

Ken Cuccinelli is a fucking huge pussy. Apparently this human vagina has censored the state seal of Virginia so that Virtus no longer has her tit hanging out. Why is he censoring the state’s seal? Because it’s risqué and will lead 11 year old children down a path of unprotected sex and drug abuse among other things. I guess Virginia isn’t for lovers anymore. It’s for grown ass men scared of the human anatomy.

That's all I got for you today on the news tip.

Hamid Karzai is a fucking smackhead

2010-04-06T21:18:00.001-07:00

Hello, dear readers. Henry just got back from a week-long vacation at Voyeur Hollywood. Michael Steele and I were rubbing elbows while we were watching the heathens commit homosexual acts on one another. This doesn’t mean that I’m a republican. It doesn’t mean that Michael Steele is going to resign even though he should. It just means that two boys from the same hood were kicking it together while indulging in adult libations as well as (maybe) doing illicit drugs in the john.

Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve all heard, Hamid Karzai (the humble and always endearing president of Afghanistan) has threatened to join the Taliban. Henry always thought that that cunt was a part of the Taliban anyway. He alleges the previous election cycle was ridden with corruption and accused the powers that be (the American government) were to blame for the corruption. Yeah, I know. It sounds fucking ridiculous. The idea that the American government fucked with the election results to ensure that… wait for it… wait… wait… Hamid Karzai gets re-elected. He’s essentially blaming the US for his own re-election. Thanks, dipshit. I wonder if Karzai knows how fucking stupid he is. He’s, like, Sarah fucking Palin stupid.

This afternoon when Henry awoke from his slumber – it was a long night of binge drinking – the first thing I read on the google machine was that Hamid Karzai, whose brother is a major drug trafficker, has been getting high on his own supply ergo the emotional outburst in which he proclaimed that he’ll be joining the very faction that ‘Merica is there to defeat. Jon Stewart posed a very very good question to Reza Aslan, contributor to the Daily Beast, on last night’s show – Why are we still there?

Why are we still there? Surely the American government isn’t stupid enough to continue to prop up this motherfucker and his busted ass government, provide another $300 quazillion so that this tard can continue to get smacked out and eventually have to leave anyway because the terrain is so difficult to navigate. Or are we? I mean, we’ve been for nearly nine years. Someone in Henry’s posse made the point last night that we go into a country (or rather invade a country) like Afghanistan, we destroy whatever the Russians didn’t destroy, then we proceed to shape their government and make it a state that eventually we can control and exploit for our own prosperity. Or in other words, we’re spreading democracy. ‘Merica! Fuck yeah!

Conservatives fucking hate small children (that aren’t their own) and they really really really really really really really really hate health care reform. Really.

2010-03-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

Marcelas Owens, an 11 year old kid from Washington State, has lost his mother due to the fact that she lost her job thus she lost her health insurance and as a result died in 2007. Democratic legislators have pointed to this situation as precisely why we need reform. The Owens boy has now become the target from conservative pundits and assholes like Rush “I’ll eat your fucking children” Limbaugh and Glenn “I got my ass handed to me by Jon Stewart last night” Beck as well as republican lawmakers. Of course, a drug addled pile of human defecation and a goddamn Mormon (I say goddamn Mormon because of this. They're obviously known for their wonderful treatment of children.) would target a small child; nothing too surprising about that.

Elected officials who are anti-health care reform (or in other words – anti-American) have thrown around words like “sob story” and “kiddie shield.” These assholes actually used the word “kiddie shield.” Why is that so strange you ask? This is why. It is truly amazing how deep the hypocrisy is.

I really wish one of John Boener’s daughters would get AIDS or terminal cancer. I hope that Sarah Palin’s illegitimate grandchild would fall off of a high chair (oh, but wait, Tripp doesn’t count because Tripp gets a form of socialized heath care, my bad). Point being, Henry doesn’t really want anyone to be hurt or die of some horrible disease. My point is that when other people die of horrible diseases or something beyond their control, the republicans don’t give a good goddamn. They fucking hate America. They fucking hate you. Get used to it, America. They’d rather win elections and play politics than actually govern this country. Which brings me to another point about the republicans. If they hate government or big(er) government, why do they constantly run for office? They hate it so much that they want to be apart of it? I digress.

Back to young Marcelas Owens. Tiffany Owens, the mother of Marcelas, died of pulmonary hypertension which is an incurable disease but is treatable. It is treatable with a $100,000 price tag. Hard to pay that price when there is no income or insurance. Of course that doesn’t matter to conservatives and republicans alike. They really don’t give a shit. All they want to do is see Obama fail even if it means watching Americans drop off like dead flies or lose their jobs or their unemployment benefits etc. etc.. They don’t give a fuck.

Now, Henry must be honest with you. I really do not like this bill that will be voted on this coming Sunday. I really don’t. Let me tell you why. There is NO public option and there is NO single payer plan. Americans are under a mandate to have insurance but there is NO mechanism put into place to control the rising cost of premiums. Make no mistake; the insurance industry will fuck you. But let me be clear, America NEEDS reform. With this bill, there is room for amendment and hopefully that will someday be achieved. Just as long as the pussy fucking democrats take the tails out from between their legs and actually push some of this shit through.

Have a great weekend.

Stuff that has been going on and stuff

2010-03-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is up, readers? Sorry for the rather intermittent posting as of late. Henry just moved into a different Hollywood mansion. Pictures soon to come. Anyway, a lot has been going on this planet we call the United States of ‘Merica. Let me catch you up, k?

Dinger from Dream a Little Dream has died. That’s right. Sadly, Corey Haim has gone to the giant oxy-contin factory in the sky. It’s always a bummer when something like this happens and I hate to be that guy but who didn’t see this coming? Even though it’s no surprise it still blows… much like the latter part of Haim’s career… but still.

Roy Ashburn, super-cunty-hardcore-anti-gay-nazi, apparently loves to get fucked in the brown eye. The California state senator was busted for a DUI after spending some quality time at his local gay glory hole. Why is it that the fucking people that are so anti-gay, anti-gay rights etc. are always the ones that are taking it in the ass? Seriously. Senator Larry Craig; Bush’s spiritual advisor Ted Haggard; US representative Mark Foley… and the list goes on. All of these fucking pricks like to suck dick. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with sucking dick however, being a motherfucker about not wanting equality for all and then turning around and getting busted for say… doing a line of meth off of the inside of a 14 year old boy’s thigh is pretty fucked up. How about making it okay for people to be homosexuals? Won’t that prevent situations like this? What the fuck is wrong with ‘Merica? Why are we so fucking repressed?

Speaking of assaulting little boys, there is a new craze amongst Europeans which is sweeping the continent. What’s this new fad you ask? People are confronting the rapists in the Roman Catholic Church who have been protected by a tradition that prevents public scandal and… well, basically prosecution. This is just another reason why religion should be banned. How long are we (human beings) going to let people of “faith” continue to abuse us? Sure, abuse happens everywhere, every minute, everyday. But these monsters in the church are getting away with it. Good luck to the folks out there trying to bring justice to these motherfuckers. Cut off their dicks… and their heads.

New York’s 29^th congressional rep. Eric Massa (D) has resigned because Rahm Emanuel apparently poked him in the chest while naked in some congressional shower or some shit. Congressional shower? What the fuck? Er…wait. Maybe he’s resigning because he has cancer or something. Yeah, that’s it. No. Wait. He resigned due to allegations of sexual harassment on certain staff members. Hahaha, members. Apparently, Massa likes to get into tickle fights with other men. He likes to tickle them until they are outta breath. What kind of grown ass man gets into tickle fights? What the fuck is wrong with this douche bag?

This Massa dude went on the Glenn Beck show (see the below youtube segments) for some fucking ridiculous reason and he actually made it look like Glenn Beck was actually intelligent. That’s how fucking stupid Massa is. He made Glenn Beck look smart. After the interview, Beck apologized to the ‘Merican audience for wasting their time. You waste everyone’s time all of the time, Beck. You are a cunt.

Then Massa went on the Larry King Live show (see the above youtube clip.. King took this clown’s ass to town. After listening to Massa shit out verbal diarrhea, King, very blatantly, asked this ass hat whether or not he’s gay. Obviously Massa should’ve just said “no, I am not gay.” But then he went on to prove that he is in fact gay

Sometime here in the near future, we should have a useless health reform bill signed into law. Thank fucking god. Nancy Pelosi has stated that she doesn’t intend to include the public option in the reconciliation bill because that would just be too good of a thing to give the “Merican people. Nope! Don’t want anything that would benefit the people. This, as well as the bank bailout, just further proves that we are, in fact, being governed by corporate lobbyists and not the people that we elected. So now that it’s mandatory for ‘Mericans to have health insurance (or will be mandatory based on the up or down vote here in the next couple of days) let’s just hope that the insurance companies don’t raise their premiums. Because you know that is what is going to happen and there is nothing you can fucking do about it so sit down and shut the fuck up!!!

Hilly Clinton apparently got super pissed at Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for announcing that there is intention of adding more Jewish housing in East Jerusalem while Veep O’Biden was in town. Man, I wouldn’t want to be on the other side of the phone when Hilly is pissed and on the other line. Fuck that shit. I hope Netanyahu had the fucking shit scared outta him. That dude is an asshole.

In other sad news, Keith Olbermann’s father has died. Brother Keith has made his audience very aware that his father has been ailing for some time now. Our thoughts are with you, Brother Keith and we look forward to having you back on Countdown.

Remember to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight. Don’t want to be late for church tomorrow. Oh yeah, and don’t forget that Sarah Palin is still a retarded cunt.

Thanks. Bye.

Rest in peace, Dr. Gordon

2010-03-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

Today, at one of Henry's favorite hangouts (Amoeba Music in Hollywood), it came to my attention that one of the finest people I've ever known has passed away. Lee D. Gordon, music connoisseur, Folk/Country master and all around great guy, died of complications due to Myocarditis which is the inflammation of the heart muscle. I guess his heart was too big for his small body.

There wasn't a day that passed that Henry didn't learn something from this Jack of all trades. Brother Lee was a music purest and someone who was respected and loved by all. I'm gonna miss hearing that raspy baritone voice of his sprinkling his vast knowledge on the people around him.

Best of luck to his little boy and his lovely wife. He was such a proud father and loving husband.

Today, we lost a very special soul. Rest in peace, Brother Lee. You will be greatly missed.

Republicans need to ask for the resignation of President Barack Hussein Obama

2010-03-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon, readers. If you haven't heard yet, Barack Obama is the picture of health with the exception of the occasional cigarette and tendinitis in his left knee. His weight is normal, cholesterol levels (mostly) normal, he eats small portions and is physically active.

Why does Barack Obama hate Americans so much? Doesn't he know that 1/3 of Americans are obese? What a fucking Marxist asshole. I know what needs to be done. Obama and his teleprompter need to be asked to resign. His health is a threat to national security, it's a threat to the sterling reputation of the American people and it's down right elitist. All of this is just further proof that Obama is out of touch with America.

Obama can't get anything done not because of obstructionist republicans or extreme partisanship. No. Barack Obama can't get anything done because he's too fucking busy running on the treadmill.

Douche Bag Blotter #11: Barack Obama hates your coke dealer

2010-02-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

Do you remember that one time when a few terrorists got together and decided to dive bomb a couple of planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a field somewhere in Pennsylvania? Do you remember when the fuck-up that was “leading” our country at the time let the attacks happen? How about the subsequent stomping on the United States Constitution? Do you remember those things? Henry does.

As it turns out, Barack Obama is perfectly okay with said stomping of said Constitution. According the AP, President Obama signed a year extension of the Patriot Act. Some provisions were kept, some were taken out.

From the Associated Press, the three sections of the act that will stay in force are:

· Authorize court-approved roving wiretaps that permit surveillance on multiple phones.

· Allow court-approved seizure of records and property in anti-terrorism operations.

· Permit surveillance against a so-called lone wolf, a non-U.S. citizen engaged in terrorism who may not be part of a recognized terrorist group.

…The Senate also approved the measure, with privacy protections cast aside when Senate Democrats lacked the necessary 60-vote supermajority to pass them. Thrown away were restrictions and greater scrutiny on the government's authority to spy on Americans and seize their records.” [...]

If you want to continue to use cocaine, you better work on your code words with your dealer because Big Bro is watching.